Category: Uncategorized

On Monday, I changed.

For better? For worse? Whoms’t is to judge? I’ll leave it up to the mainstream media. But I’ve officially scarred my body with the most recognizable piece of IP (intellectual property, Jeff) and there’s no going back (pun intended). I’ve had this idea for probably eight or nine years but I never had the balls to pull the trigger on it. There was no alcohol, no drugs, no outside influences that pushed me to get this monumental addition that will forever live on me. It was all me.

That’s where I went wrong through these first few weeks of the CFB season. I went 10-12 last week and I’m 28-28 overall on the year. There’s nothing wrong with being .500, but it’s unacceptable in my eyes. I’ve been absolutely moosed making these picks every night that I’ve written this blog. Each Thursday night just knocking backing multiple fingers worth of Teremana or cheap bourbon from the DCB (Discount Cigarettes and Beer) right down the road and a mix of some extracurriculars to top it off. I gotta lock in. I gotta be me and make these picks on my own merit.

So I’ve gone back to what I know best: Basil Hayden. It fueled me on the Bengals run to the Super Bowl a couple years ago and it’s my true bread and butter. It’s time to lock in.

Of note, the (unidentified) SEC Insider is on a roll. 2-0 on the mouthwatering picks, 7-4 overall in 2023, and a winning record since 2022. The Jane/John Doe that is the Prem League Advisor had a successful debut, hitting on a parlay that made us all some Jane/John dough. My NFL picks continue to suck. I went 3-5 last week and I’m 9-12 on the season, but this blog isn’t about that.

We are going to win as a unit this week. We just have to.

Let’s get to the picks.

CFB (28-30 in 2023 / 135-126-1 since 2022):

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (2-1 in 2023, 8-6-1 overall): Arkansas at LSU (over 54.5) – LSU is actually good. Just forget about the FSU game in week one. I think they can score 42 on their own so we’ll bet on Arkansas to cover the rest.

Georgia State at Coastal Carolina (-6.5 and over 62) – GAST has at least 35 points in each game and they’ve played shit competition, the only time Coastal hasn’t hit 30 was at UCLA week one. I’m back on the mic for HSFB Thursday night so these are blind, set-it-and-forget-it picks. – DOUBLE LOSS

Wisconsin at Purdue (under 53.5) – A Friday night B1G game feels like it has the makings to be a traditional, ugly B1G game.

NC State at Virginia (over 47.5) – UVA has given up 49, 36, and 42 points in three games. That is all.

Oklahoma at Cincinnati (+14.5) – I’ll buy low on the Cats. Bad loss to Love and Honor, but Emory Jones is good and has played in big games like this. If it was 13.5 I may have stayed away.

Boston College (+13.5) at Louisville – I watched most of the IU-UofL game last week and I do not believe in the Cards. Each of BC’s games have been decided by three points or less.

FSU at Clemson (+2.5) – I’m gonna bet all the big games on Saturday. Dabo is 11-4 ATS as an underdog against ranked opponents.

Colorado at Oregon (-21) – I feel bad doing this cause I rode the Buffs each of the first few weeks, but this feels like a game that Oregon should win easily. They’re the better team plain and simple.

Ole Miss (+7) at Alabama – That video of Saban walking off the field soaked in rain water left a bad taste in my mouth. (Editor’s note: this pick was made prior to my receiving of the Insider’s picks, so I am a tad worried about this)

UCLA at Utah (over 52.5) – 2:30 CDT kickoff tells me the defenses won’t be up for this game and I love Pac-12 overs.

BYU at Kansas (over 54.5) – Jayhawks have Jalon Daniels back and they look good. BYU has 41 and 38 points in their last two. This screams the over.

Oregon State (-3) at Washington State – Mainstream bias influenced this decision.

OSU at Notre Dame (+3) – Yeah. Just my gut feeling. Apologies to those offended seeing this. (Editor’s note: this pick was made prior to my receiving of the Insider’s picks, so I am a tad worried about this)

Memphis (+6.5) vs Mizzou in St. Louis – Mizzou may be good, but I don’t think they’re a sure bet. Neutral game and I’m sure Memphis will travel well enough.

Buffalo at UL Lafayette (-10) – Another pick with mainstream influence involved.

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (7-4 in 2023, 29-23-1 overall):

*The following is verbatim

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (2-0 in 2023, 10-4 overall): Bama -7
We are at the point where Bama’s back is officially up against the wall. People calling into question if the Saban era is over. One more loss and that will be the case. Do we really think the Saban era dies at the hands of Joey Freshwater? This is a no brainer. I think the USF game was good for the Tide big picture and solidifies Milroe as the guy. Joyless murder ball

Buckeyes – 3
There is absolutely no home field advantage here. Expect plenty of scarlet to be in that stadium. Hartman is good with time but I’ve been told the silver bullets are back. Expect Sawyer/JT to bring some heat. Get the studs out wide involved and get out of south bend with a 7-10 point win.

LSU -17.5
LSU rolled last week on the road in impressive fashion. I think they’re the best team in the division and get a mediocre Arkansas team in Death Valley at night. Train keeps rolling.

Oregon Colorado under 70
70 points is a lot. I think Colorado comes back to earth with Travis being out. Dan Lanning makes somewhat of a statement here on D. Oregon front on D will bully that Buffs OLine. I haven’t heard much out of coach prime this week…wonder why? Writing is on the wall. Not willing to spank the line. But think Oregon wins somewhat comfortably.

Prem League Advisor pick of the weekend (1-0): “Manchester United to win -135. Fading another recent promote this week. United will be fired up after conceding 4 goals to Bayern in their Champions League loss on Wednesday. I think this one could get out of hand early”

I actually love the Amazon TNF theme music.

I’m not gonna give a power ranking of all the network football theme musics but Jeff Bezos did a good job of hiring someone who hired someone who hired someone who hired someone to find the right composer (Pinar Toprak) for the theme. Toprak also wrote some music for Fortnite. She’s probably the DJ in Rave Cave. I was looking for my inspiration for this blog then I heard that music and I was ready to go.

Last week was another winning week, going 10-9 overall. The Toretto hit once again and, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking of keeping that train rolling. It was just great to have a full weekend of football back. After a Friday night of high school football, interviewing coaches all night (it’s not fun to come up with questions every week for some coaches whose(?) teams keep losing by 30+), waking up Saturday morning then going to do my job, it was amazing to turn on the ESPN multicast (underrated part of the ESPN app) and fire up the second screen (I can only afford two) and just take it all in. And to do it all again on Sunday was just splendid.

The Who Deys will pick it up and take care of business on Sunday (I will be taking the spread). NFL picks went 6-7 last week. I know I didn’t write them in the blog but just take my word for it. I don’t think I’m gonna make NFL picks in these write-ups. I’m just gonna (allegedly) make all my bets Sunday morning when my mind is solely focused on The Shield.

The (I’m running out of parentheses) SEC Insider went 2-2 last week, but the mouthwatering pick (Oregon -6.5) hit. I’m going to continue to tail the mouthweterers because why wouldn’t I? It’s an all SEC card this week.

And I guess we can officially welcome in the Prem League Advisor. After that stinker of a display last week, the Advisor is ready to go on Saturday. That will be below the Insider’s picks.

Let’s get to those picks.

CFB (18-16 in 2023 / 125-112-1 since 2022):

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (2-0 in 2023, 8-5-1 overall): Colorado State at Colorado (-23.5) – It’s personal.

Army at UTSA (over 44) – Army scored 57 last week in a shutout win. Week one they lose on the road but ULM had the whole offseason to prep for the triple option. I think they’ll get theirs and UTSA will fill in the gaps.

Utah State at Air Force (over 46.5) – Kinda the same thing as above, but not really. Air Force has put up 42 already, Utah State scored 78 last week and 14 at Iowa in week one, which I think is pretty good.

LSU (-9.5 & over 54.5) at Mississippi State – I wanted to take Miss St. spread, and I started writing up why, then I looked at the Insider’s mouthwatering pick and had to change my mind. This is a big litmus test. I like the over, but if LSU covers, I may need to re-evaluate myself.

FSU at Boston College (over 48) – I guess it’s an overs week. FSU has 111 points in two games and BC is at home for the third straight time and have 55 points thus far. BC will be comfortable, but FSU will win.

Wake Forest at Old Dominion (+14) – Biggest home game of the year for ODU. I don’t trust Wake without Sam Hartman.

Louisville at Indiana (+10) – I love this. IU has their quarterback in Tayven Jackson and he can actually throw. This is the game that really determines how IU’s season will go.

Penn State at Illinois (+14.5) – Doesn’t Illinois always show up for these types of games? I know this may be the year for Penn State, but it’s still gonna come down to Michigan and OSU at the end of the year in the B1G East.

Bowling Green at Michigan (under 53.5) – Michigan just doesn’t allow a lot of points and the interim can’t screw up his last game as head coach. It’ll be conservative. But I’ll probably take the Michigan over next week.

Central Michigan at Notre Dame (over 51.5) – At least 42 in each game for ND. CMU gets 45 on the road last week. They only scored 7 at Michigan State week one but that’s week one on the road at a B1G team.

Alabama (-33.5) at South Florida – Bama just has to win this game by a gajillian

Western Michigan at Iowa (under 42) – Do we really think Brian Ferentz can get the offense to score 25 points?

South Carolina at Georgia (-27.5) – Different number than the Insider but I’m rolling with it.

South Alabama at Oklahoma State (-7) – Just a line I like.

Washington at Michigan State (+16.5 & over 56) – Barstool Pickem pick.

San Jose State at Toledo (over 57) – Another one I like from just looking at it. Great uniform matchup. And they’re 5-0 combined on the overs in their games.

Tennessee at Florida (+6.5) – Tailing the Insider.

Love and Honor at Cincinnati (-14) – I don’t think Miami is any good. Dumb statements about being the real Miami and then losing to an overrated UMASS.

Pitt at West Virginia (0ver 47) – Another Pickem pick but this game will be dirty. Dirty with points. Overs have hit in each of their games this season.

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (5-3 in 2023, 27-22-1 overall):

*The following is verbatim

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (1-0 in 2023, 9-4 overall): LSU -9.5
People are writing off LSU after the FSU game. I am not ready to do so. I don’t think Miss State is built to play the style of football they’d like to play at this point. LSU is. LSU still has all of their goals in front of them and Kelly will have them prepared. Cowbells quiet down by mid 4th quarter.

Georgia -27
I think the damn breaks here. First SEC game, Kirby hates Beamer, fan base has been called on to be elite this weekend so atmosphere should be tough for the chickens. Think we see a more motivated football team this weekend. Dawgs offense opens up a bit this week imo. OL has looked horrible and think that flips this week too. South Carolina is not a good football team. Dawgs roll.

Florida +6.5
“A home team getting points…what’s better than that?” <- Musburger quote kinda contradicts the pick of the week eh? Tough place to play – I think Milton is a social media qb, very inconsistent. Fans will be rocking, big recruiting weekend, another big spot here for Sun Belt Billy.

Prem League Advisor pick of the weekend (0-0): Parlay Fulham ML (-155) and (sic) Totemham ML (-360) and get +110

“Fade the recent promotes, Luton is a great story but those boys are going down this year lock it in, Sheffield has shown slightly better quality on the pitch to start but (sic) Totemham at home will be too hot to handle”

The air just smells better.

I hope you found some time last Saturday to touch the grass and just take it all in. I sure did. So much so that I burned my skull because I was stupid to not put sunscreen on so I was forced to wear a beanie when I went for a run this (Thursday) afternoon (2.01 mi/8:01 pace up-hill up-wind). I just started the peeling process.

What a boring week one of college football. Outside of the Colorado-TCU game it was a complete dud. But man-oh-man did it feel good to open up the (alleged) gambling account again and (allegedly) fire off a healthy dose of bets. We went 8-7 last week. I added Clemson-Duke o55 and now Dabo may not be back next season. But I can’t complain because we finished over 50% for the week. And the Toretto hit which was the easiest pick I’ll make all year. Love and Honor is not the real Miami.

And now we add NFL into the mix. I got some futures I’m enthralled by, Chiefs spread tonight (Thursday) and Sunday picks to make (I haven’t decided if I’m locking in NFL picks at this very moment. Scroll down to see what I decided.)

The SEC Insider (insert gif of Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri as the spartan cheerleaders saying “I don’t know, I don’t know”) went a rather fine 3-1 in their season debut. The only loss for the Insider was South Carolina, and the line I was given by this unknown homosapien was -2.5, when, in fact, THE (not the real) USC was actually +2.5. I just noticed that a few minutes ago. So…

I’d also like to announce the addition of new segment: the Prem League Advisor. Only thing better than waking up on Saturday morning and watching a ball get kicked around is (legally) gambling on that game which said ball is getting kicked around. That will always be at the bottom of the blog. (Editors note: As I’m writing this, I went to double-check the line of the Tottenham game and discovered that there is no EPL this weekend. The Advisor is not off to a good start.)

Let’s get to the picks.

CFB (8-7 lin 2023 / 115-103-1 since 2022):

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (1-0 in 2023, 7-5-1 overall): Nebraska at Colorado (-2): Deion is here.

Indiana State at Indiana (u45.5): I think ISU scored zero in week one and IU doesn’t have an offense capable of a blowout like they’re projected to have.

Illinois at Kansas (-3): I looked at this line and wondered why Kansas was only favored by a field goal, then I read that Jalon Daniels was out week one, but now he’s back for this game, so why wouldn’t I take Kansas? It’s too obvious.

Notre Dame (-7.5) at NC State: Let’s all acknowledge that Sam Hartman is is just older than everyone and that actually does matter.

Ball State at Geaorgia (u52): I don’t think Ball State scores. I don’t think Georgia puts up 50.

Marshall at East Carolina (+3): Marshall beat some nobody week one and ECU lost at Michigan like they were supposed to. I don’t know who the HC is but I respect the hell out of kicking that last-second FG to avoid the shutout.

Cincinnati (+7.5) at Pitt: See above. Pitt beats Wofford and UC scores 66 points against a more-known team in EKU. It’s not easy to score 66 points.

James Madison (-6.5) at Virginia: I know JMU is a legitimate D1 team now but this line is just too funny to not take. A dumb guy like myself would think Virginia is the easy bet here.

Utah at Baylor (+8): Dave Arranda can’t be that bad of a coach. This is a great bounce back spot for Baylor. I bet Utah was prepping the backup QB the whole summer. Now Arranda has tape on him.

Ole Miss at Tulane (+7.5): Why not Tulane? Pick em guys sold me on it.

Iowa at Iowa State (u36.5): It just has to go under.

UTEP (-2) at Northwestern: Wildcats will not win without Pat Fitzgerald.

App State at UNC (058): Just like last year.

Ohio at FAU (-3.5): a Rico Bosco pick. Tom Hermann at home in a non-power 5 game. May add the over here at a later time.

Oregon (-6.5) at Texas Tech: Always follow the Insider.

Texas at Alabama (-7): I think both coaches were planning for this game all summer instead of their week one games. Saban is a better coach than Sarkisian (I had to google his name because I forgot).

UCONN (+3) at Georgia State: Is Jim Mora not the coach anymore? What’s going on here?

Oklahoma State (-3) at Arizona State: What I remember about ASU is they have sanctions and fallout from Herm Edwards. Mike Gundy is a sure thing.

Stanford at USC (o69.5): USC just puts up points and has a bad defense and Stanford scored 37 on the road at Hawaii week one. This feels like a plug-and-play.

NFL (I stopped this blog week 11 of NFL last year and I don’t feel like going through my receipts to add up the totals, so we’re 0-0 right now):

Futures:

Arizona Cardinals under 4.5 wins: It’s full tank mode. I dont’t care what their schedule looks like. Gannon will get fired after this year too. He’s an obvious scapegoat. Like Gibby form iCarly.

Cincinnati Bengals over 11 wins: The only games the Bengals lose are divisional games. And they’re not losing five divisional games.

New England Patriots 0ver 7 wins: A real OC is there now (Bill O’Brien), Pats sent Zappe and Willis to the pracatice squad because they believe in Mac Jones, and they’ll still have a good defense. They will win at least two home divisional games and one more on the road. The other five wins will be there.

Week 1:

Detroit at KC (-4.5): don’t doubt Mahomes in week one.

TBA…

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (3-1 in 2023, 25-20-1 overall):

*the following is verbatim

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (0-0 in 2023, 8-4 overall): Oregon (-6.5) at Texas Tech – I know I know…. Bo Nix on the road yadda yadda yadda. Why don’t we praise Bo like we praised Tebow? I don’t get it. I don’t think we’ve seen someone work as hard as Bo has worked this off-season. Bo’s last year in college – the road game blues are no more. We may see Bo in New York later this year. Texas Tech stinks and is banged up- 2OTs at Wyoming and a L? Oregon gets healthy this week too. More push-ups incoming for the mascot duck.

New Mexico State +10
Holy disrespect – New Mexico State beat liberty at in November by about 100 last year. Has that much really changed? I see NMS using this as a motivation point. I’m out on liberty in the post Hugh Freeze era.

Pitt -7.5
We’re fading the bearcats and Emory Jones this year. Glad UC had their moment last weekend against EKU because the crash and burn starts this week. Pitt plays hard nosed ball. Satterfield and UL beat Pitt last year, Narduzzi looking for revenge #H2P

Oklahoma State -3
This one comes down to coaching for me. I’ve watched a few Dillingham interviews recently and this guy can’t be a real human being. He just speaks in ism’s and catch phrases. Give me a break. Give me “I’m a man, I’m 40”. Feels like gundy needs a road win – road has felt rocky in Stillwater lately.

Prem League Advisor pick of the weekend (0-0): Should be 0-1 in my opinion