Blog

I promised last week that we’d get back on track, and right on track we are. 5-4-1 in college football and 7-5 in the NFL (*Editor’s note: it should be 7-4 in NFL but I decided to take a pick that someone I know designated as “the lock of the day” when it in fact was not a lock. That team failed to score any points. I will not be riding this person’s picks anymore)

Last week started as a disaster but a late Saturday afternoon winning streak sent me into the green and provided mostly good vibes for the rest of the weekend. And how about that SEC Insider (any guesses?) getting right on track? A good bounce back in the mouthwatering pick and the only blemish was trusting noted pervert Brent Musberger.

So we’re rolling along and throwing out winners for another week. Let’s get to the picks.

CFB (44-40-1 overall):

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (2-3-1): Nebraska (+14) at Purdue – Purdue’s only game this year decided by more than 14 points? A 56-0 win over the now 1-4 Indiana State Cyclones. Nebraska lost their first game under their new head coach (?) but have won the last two. 14 points is just too much. – WIN

Central Michigan at Akron (+13.5) – A good old-fashioned science pick. They’re both 1-5 so idk why the hell Central Michigan is laying that much on the road. Maybe if I did some research it’d make sense but that’s not happening – WIN

Penn State at Michigan (-6.5) – bought the half. I’ll take the Wolverines in the Big House in a big game. Plus, Penn State has screwed me a couple times this year. – WIN

UCONN (+9.5) at Ball State – a little mainstream bias came with this pick but Ball State’s last three games have been decided by nine points or less and, after losing to Syracuse, Michigan and NC State in consecutive weeks, UCONN’s playing a more realistic schedule and has won the last two. – WIN

Alabama at Tennessee (+7.5) – bought the half. Have to bet on this game and I wanna believe in Rocky Top – WIN

Vanderbilt at Georgia (-38) – Dawgs have the bye week before playing Florida, I think they wanna keep the #1 ranking so they blow out Vandy easy – WIN

Oklahoma State at TCU (over 68) – this could be a bad play but it’s a fun one to bet on. At least 34 points in every game for OK State and at least 38 for TCU in every game. So the under will definitely hit. – WIN

Wisconsin (-7.5) at Michigan State – I don’t trust Mel Tucker to rally the troops for this one. He made some comments in a press conference about consistency and other coach-speak stuff. I think he’s fine with getting bought out from that $95 million contract and I’ll ride with the interim coach thing for Wisconsin again – LOSS

Memphis (+5.5) at ECU – mainstream bias. The source said five points is too much and, just looking at ECU’s schedule, they haven’t done anything great since that first game against NC State and that wasn’t even that impressive. Congrats, you beat USF by 20 points. I’ll ride with the bias – WIN

Mississippi State (-4) at Kentucky – always riding with the Insider – LOSS

*I will absolutely add to the card

Late adds:

Kansas at Oklahoma (over 65) – WIN

Iowa State (+15.5) at Texas – WIN

Monmouth at Maine (over 60.5) – Matthew 28:19 > Larry David says if you like lobster it doesn’t mean you should convince the world to eat lobster > the seafood capital state of the United States? Maine > it’s Homecoming for the Black Bears and they host Monmouth > Monmouth averages about 40 per game and nearly 500 yards of offense while Maine is averaging over 418 yards and 22 points per game over the last three – WIN

Alabama at Tennessee (over 66.5) – WIN

**went 13-2 (updated overall record: 57-42-1…Toretto’s picks: 3-3-1)**

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (9-8-1 overall):

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (5-1): Mississippi State (-4) at Kentucky – “I think (Kentucky) are one of the most overrated teams in the country with or without (Will Levis)” – LOSS

Penn State (+7) at Michigan – LOSS

Vanderbilt at Georgia (-38 and over 56.5) – COVERED SPREAD, LOST OVER

USC at Utah (-3) – LOSS

BONUS GOLF PICK OF THE WEEK: Sepp Straka top-10 finish at the ZOZO thing – “Straka last 3 starts on Zoysia (?) grass (sic) 2,3,2″ (*Editor’s note: Straka is currently T-49 and Even after two rounds) – LOSS (*Editor’s note: I will no longer be accepting golf bets on this blog and I won’t count this as a loss against the overall record, it’s just a loss of trust)

**went 1-4 (updated overall record: 10-12-1)…mouthwatering picks: 5-2**

NFL (28-26-1 overall):

will add Sunday morning

Bengals (-3) at Saints – that’s it. The winnings from yesterday are going into this. Must win for the Who Deys. Saints’ top three receivers and Lattimore are out. Return to New Orleans for Burrow and Chase (and Collins). Burrow was wearing Chase’s national championship jersey into the superdome. Funny stat though: Andy Dalton is 2-0 vs the Bengals (Cowboys won in 2020 and Bears won in 2021).

**will probably take the over in Chiefs-Bills and some side on the SNF game**

Well last week sucked. The two games I felt were absolute locks (Georgia and Indiana) were in fact, not locks. It was a great start to the week with the Bengals taking care of business against the Dolphins (thoughts and prayers) but almost nothing went right after that. The Houston overs trend is dead (*Editor’s note: I wrote this before Houston-Memphis hit the over on Friday night), USC is no longer a ride or die pick, and some fool at my friend’s engagement party told me to trust the mainstream bias and take Virginia +2 against Duke. Final score? Vagina-17 Duke-38. Ya know, someone once told me, “Alcohol and mainstream bias is no way to go through life, son.” Truer words have never been spoken. (*Editor’s note: I took SMU on Wednesday night so we’re 0-1 this week)

College football finished 4-8.

I will say I made some smart picks. UTSA TT was easy, OU +11.5 (Ohio, Reid), and Kansas will be on the card once more this week.

NFL? Actually decent. 6-4-1 (BUF -3 pushed). Thought I did worse but a winning week is a winning week. Would love to do that again but it’ll be a negative start to the week with this Thursday night game making me want to drink another glass of Teremana (I took Broncos -3 and as I’m writing this it’s 12-9 Colts in OT)

(*Editor’s note: Nathaniel Hackett is a fucking idiot).

An important note: I think the week was destined to fail because I didn’t put in the effort on last week’s blog, and that’s on me. The SEC Insider (your guess is as good as mine) sent me two wrong lines and I only caught one of em. Just lazy by me.

I just want to say one thing.

To the fans and everybody in my blog’s Nation, I’m sorry, extremely sorry.

I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.

Let’s get to the picks.

CFB (39-37 overall)

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (2-3): TCU at Kansas (+7) – I’m riding the Kansas train. TCU has beaten Colorado (one of the worst teams in the country), Texas State (?), an awful SMU team and Oklahoma (They’ll be good under Venables, just not this year). Kansas has been tested and will show out for this one. – PUSH

Texas at Oklahoma (over 65.5) – Red River rivalry – LOSS

Tennessee at LSU (+3) – riding with the Insider here – LOSS

Buffalo at Bowling Green (+2.5) – bought half point. Mainstream bias pick – LOSS

Kent State at Miami Ohio (+5) – this is me not trusting Kent State still. Love and Honor pick of the week – WIN

Wisconsin (-10.5) at Northwestern – Northwestern sucks. Mutual decision firing at Wisconsin this week. Feels like an easy win – WIN

**Late add: Utah at UCLA (over 64.5) – WIN

Kansas State at Iowa State (+1.5) – feels like a “Matt Campbell will get talked about in NFL circles again” type of game. Cyclones can absolutely win this – WIN

**Went 5-3-1 on Saturday. Updated record: 44-40-1 overall**

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (7-7-1 overall):

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (4-1): Ole Miss (-17) at Vanderbilt – WIN

South Carolina (+6) at Kentucky – WIN

Tennessee at LSU (+3) – (sic) “a home team getting points, what’s better than that?” Musberger – LOSS

**updated overall record: 9-8-1…updated mouthwatering pick record: 5-1**

NFL (21-21-1):

Giants (+8.5) at GB

Titans (PK) at Commanders

Texans at Jaguars (-6.5) – bought half

Falcons at Bucs (under 46.5)

Dolphins at Jets (+3.5)

Steelers at Bills (-13.5) – bough half

Cowboys (+5.5) at Rams

Bengals (+3.5) at Ravens

Quick write-up. CFB went 10-7 last week and NFL 5-4. SEC Insider’s mouthwatering picks are now 4-0. The Bengals came through in a huge spot against Miami. I took -4 and TT o26.5 so thank the lord for Teddy two (2) gloves finding an open Vonn Bell and Joe Burrow getting the job done at the end. I’ll probably tweet out the NFL picks once I get a good look at the Sunday slate. Onto the CFB picks:

CFB (35-28 overall):

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (2-2): Georgia (-27.5) at Missouri – I had this Saturday night and the SEC Insider (remains anonymous) confirmed it. Dawgs kept Kent State too close last week so Kirby probably kicked their ass in practice. Mizzou had a devastating loss. UGA rolls.

Tulane at Houston (over 54.5) – just keep riding the Houston overs (4-0 this season)

UTSA (TT o34) at MTSU – let down game for MTSU after beating Miami and only time UTSA didn’t hit that number was when they scored 20 in a loss at Texas.

Michigan at Iowa (+11.5) – there’s just something about top 5 teams going to Kinnick Stadium (there is a stat but I’m not looking it up). Only thing that scares me is this isn’t a night game (11 am central kickoff)

Ohio (+11.5) at Kent State – Kent state gave their souls to try and win at Sanford Stadium. They’re in the graveyard like Spurrier’s visor

Northwestern at Penn State (-24.5) – Northwestern may be the worst power 5 team in the nation and they’re too focused on building smaller stadiums instead of covering spreads

Iowa State at Kansas (+3) – home dogs and Kansas might be for real

LSU (-7.5) at Auburn – Bryan Harsin probably pooped his pants after escaping for a win against Mizzou. He’s gonna have diarrhea this week. And LSU’s loss to Florida State is looking better and better each week

Indiana (+4.5) – at Nebraska – this has my science written all over it. Why is Nebraska favored in any game? Tom Allen is probably a fraud but he can beat Nebraska. And That former Nebraska coach who also called Tom Allen a fraud (“clown”) got skirted on social media for all the wrong reasons

Arizona State at USC (-24.5) – Toretto’s pick last week couldn’t get it done but Oregon State has a history of giving USC fits. Arizona State is a program in shambles. I’m not overthinking this one

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (7-4-1 overall):

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (4-0): Georgia (-27.5) at Missouri – “mouthwatering faucet rain river” (*Editor’s note: ?)

Kentucky at Ole Miss (+7)

Oklahoma State at Baylor (-2) – *Editor’s note: the Insider texted me Baylor +2 but they, in fact, are not +2, so this is pending (*Editor’s note to the Editor’s note: “I had it flipped my fault”)… -2 it is

NFL (*15-16):

*Includes Bengals -4 and TT o26.5*

Big rebound last weekend. I think read into a little bit of bias when I was making picks a couple of weeks ago and it threw me off. Last week was like Martin Lawrence asking “The Sledgehammer” to teach Big Mac math, but instead of him actually teaching her math, “The Sledgehammer” taught me to ignore the math and trust the science that is me simply looking at a line and liking it. (Editor’s note: I understand not everyone will get that reference but “Rebound” is a classic 2000s comedy and I won’t apologize for it). Also, it’s a lot easier to make picks when you’re drinking (responsibly) and the group chat says they’re taking a side and you throw your money on that (still, responsibly).

All-in-all, we went 6-7 in college football and 5-4 on the NFL. That’s an even 11-11 (thanks Big Mac). The Toretto pick hit again and I’ll be following that algorithm again this week by taking USC. I actually went 1-3 on picks from the group chat so really I had a winning week if you look at it. The SEC Insider went 1-2 but the mouthwatering pick moved to 3-0 with the Dawgs rolling again.

NFL picks woulda looked a lot better if not for the AFC North looking like a train wreck. Save for the Steelers hitting the under, I was in the contingent of Browns & Ravens backers that just crushed our collective souls. And then the Bengals. At the end of the day, we rebounded. Let’s get to the picks:

CFB (25-21 overall):

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (2-1): USC (-6.5) at Oregon State – ride or die

Maryland at Michigan (-16.5)

Clemson at Wake Forest (+7.5 AND over 55.5) – the science loved these picks from the jump.

Central Michigan at Penn State (-27.5) – CMU lost to some “USA” team a couple of weeks ago, so let’s call this America’s Pick of the Week.

Duke at Kansas (-7.5) – ESPN should’ve sent Jay Bilas and Dickie V to call this game with Reece Davis. Duke has played some bums so far so I’ll take my neighboring state.

James Madison (+7.5) at App. State – this would’ve been my “take it or leave it” pick if USC didn’t cover last week.

Indiana at Cincinnati (-16.5) – As an IU alum, I know when to not get your hopes up about Indiana football when things seem like they’re going in the right direction. I’ve had a lot of training as a Bengals fan.

Southern Miss. at Tulane (-12.5) – this is strictly betting against Brett Favre.

Vanderbilt at Alabama (-40.5) – negative publicity around Vandy and the science just loved this one.

Kansas State at Oklahoma (-12.5) – I think the Sooners are just really good and need to be favored by more in games against far inferior opponents. Translation: the line is too low.

Hawaii (+4.5) at New Mexico St. – these teams suck, this should be a pickem so take the points.

SEC Insider picks of the weekend (4-4-1 overall):

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (3-0): Arkansas (+2.5) at Texas A&M – “what looks to be a big year for the Hogs playing in former Hog Jerry Jones (sic) palace? What could go wrong?”

Duke at Kansas (-7.5)

James Madison (+7.5) at App. State

NFL (*8-12 overall):

*Browns -4.5 was the TNF pick*

BAL (-2.5) at NE – this line is too fishy to not take. I might be dumb.

BUF (-4.5 AND over 52.5) at MIA – taking the over because you have to in this game and I ultimately think the Bills are the best team in the league.

KC (-5.5) at IND – again, too fishy so I’m taking the bait.

GB AT TB (under 42.5) – trust the science

SF (-1.5) at DEN – Jimmy G back under the lights feels right and I think Hackett won’t be able to handle primetime again. In fact, Hackett might be a fraud.

Last week could not have gone any better. The team went 13-6 and Dom Toretto’s pick (USC -32.5) was an easy hit.

There were a few late adds from the initial blog (NC -11.5, Michigan -30.5, Troy +21.5 and the over in LSU-FSU). Those picks went 2-2. Also, the SEC Insider (whoever that may be) went 1-0-1. Shoulda bought the half point to bring Arkansas down to -6.5 like my psycho ass. And instead of “toying with the idea” of taking Florida ml, the kid (could also be an adult) needs to learn to just pull the trigger.

Anyway, I didn’t do much research for Week 1 so I’ll do the same for this week. The SEC Insider and I (good grammar) are on the opposite side of a few games so we’ll see who’s the smarter one after this week. I’ll point out the mainstream bias in my picks when they happen, but let’s get into it.

Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (1-0): Alabama (-20.5) at Texas

I think Bama wins by three touchdowns. Saban is gonna give Sarkisian a “welcome to the SEC” moment. He lost to Jimbo and Kirby last season, first times he’s ever lost to a former assistant (I believe), and I think he knows that and wants to prove a point here.

Louisville at UCF (-6.5) – there was a little mainstream bias in this one.

Arkansas State at Ohio State (-44.5) – also this one.

Tennessee at Pitt (+6.5) – my friend’s sibling went Tennessee. This friend told me their sibling drafted Gronk in fantasy earlier this week. I took Pitt immediately.

Appalachian State at Texas A&M (-18.5) – I don’t think App St. can put together a competitive game in College Station after what happened last week.

Houston at Texas Tech (over 62.5) – these two teams just scream “over”…so I bet they combine for 20 total points. I’m doing it anyway.

ODU at ECU (over 51.5) – there’s some mainstream bias here but I also think ECU will go for it a lot more after their kicker absolutely blew chunks last week (be nice Griff).

USC (-7.5) at Stanford – Dom Toretto is the poster boy for “ride or die” so I’m rolling with them again.

Baylor at BYU (over 53.5) – Big Cat’s Game of the Year.

SEC Insider picks of the weekend:

Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (1-0): Tennessee (-6) at Pitt

Alabama at Texas (+20)

South Carolina (+8.5) at Arkansas – I will probably add this one to my card

Kentucky at Florida (-6)

(*Editor’s note: The Insider told me their picks after I already put mine in so that’s why the lines are different on Tenn-Pitt and Bama-Texas)