I almost didn’t do it.
Could you imagine that? Picture me not writing this blog after the year we had in 2022. Rookie of the Year and he was top five in MVP voting. We finished 107-96 (53% after rounding up). But I almost didn’t do it. I just haven’t had the motivation. I didn’t bet Week 0, didn’t bet this (Thursday) evening’s games and haven’t looked at a single line (at this exact moment) for Saturday’s games. I must give credit to the (anonymous) SEC Insider for powering me with the strength to look deep into my soul to discover my true self. The pompous mechanism that is corporate America has made its way to rural Missouri and crawled its way into my brain like that disease in Barry Levinson’s “The Bay” (I know, you don’t know what this is). I promised not to complain about my job, so…
Recently, I haven’t felt 100%. Not sleeping great, feeling stuffed up, caught in the endless cycle of a typical 9-5 complacent but it’s more like 8-6 or 7 (again, not complaining). And ya know what? I (allegedly) have not placed a wager in almost two weeks. I knew something was wrong. I just couldn’t pinpoint the issue. So I just took a pause in writing this to look at the board and I’ve made two bets that I love. Last year, I read too much into the bias, promised to be better, and got us back on track. And we finished over fifty-percent (53% after rounding up). So why can’t we do that again? What’s stopping us? Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now (by Starship).
This is the best of the five seasons. There is no better feeling than waking up on Saturday morning, tossing an EPL bet (Brentford) and staring at the college football board like Smalls glaring at Wendy Peffercorn (you do know what that is). Kim Carnes just came on the bluetooth, so that means it’s time to get to the picks. I’m tailing all of the SEC Insider(could literally be anyone)’s picks.
CFB (107-96-1 in 2022):
Dominic Toretto’s “Take it or leave it” Pick of the Week (6-5-1): ECU (+36) vs Michigan – I do not know a single thing about this game outside of the fact that Harbaugh is suspended. What I think is there is no incentive for Michigan to blow out the Pirates and whoever the interim coach is has one job: just don’t lose this game. That’s it. I don’t think this random interim coach is gonna take too many risks because, if this person did and it failed, this person’s head would be on a stake. I think ECU sees this as an opportunity to steal a game without Harbaugh on the sidelines, but they will get blown out, it just won’t be by 36 points.
Miami (OH) at Miami (-17) – I’ve spent time on the campus in Oxford, Ohio. The dude who said (paraphrasing) “we’re the real Miami” is a liar. Love and Honor.
Viriginia at Tennesse (-28)
West Virginia at Penn State (-20.5)
North Carolina at South Carolina (+2.5) – there was also some bias that said Drake Maye won’t be good enough to save UNC’s defensive efficiencies
Coastal Carolina (+14.5) at UCLA
Ohio State (-30) at Indiana – I’ve been reading some deep analysis on the IU football team this year (Bite-Sized Bison by Taylor Lehman) and I am zero confident in the Hoosiers until Week 3.
Fresno State at Purdue (-3.5) – I know Brohm bolted but I think this line is an overreaction. Shout to Festus High School grad Arhmad Branch.
Buffalo at Wisconsin (-28) – Fickell is a good coach with big time recruits. And Buffalo is on the naughty list.
UMASS at Auburn (-35) – There is so much hype for UMASS right now. They beat New Mexico State last week. Let’s calm the hell down. Hugh Freeze got his way back to the SEC by being a good coach, not a good recruiter.
Nevada at Texas (-35) – Texas needs to make a statement and build more hype for this game in Tuscaloosa next week.
Northwestern at Rutgers (-6.5) – Took this from listening to Barstool Pick Em.
LSU (-2.5) at Florida State – also from Pick Em. I like the Brian Kelly revenge plot.
SEC Insider picks of the weekend (22-19-1 in 2022):
Mouth Watering Pick of the Week (8-4): “No mouth watering pick this week.
I need to see some teams play before I let my mouth water”
*the following is verbatim*
Tennessee -28
Showtime vols have a hot start. Hype train will be out of control in the hills of Tennessee. I think VA stinks and it will show. I’ve read Joe Milton can throw an orange 120 yards?!
Penn state -20.5
Another hype train set up for a hot start. Think the nittany lions could challenge for the big 10 title. Talent talent talent. Neal Brown is a sitting duck. Franklin looks to put it on em in week 1
Gamecocks -2.5
Strong close to 2022 for the gamecocks. Have to side with the SEC in matchups like these. I can picture Beamer taking a Mayo dump to the face. The content king will strike again.
Coastal Carolina +14.5
Won’t burn my source but I have on good authority that the Chanticleers win this out right. Lots of MAC players on this UCLA roster. The post DTR era should be interesting. Will be qb by committee situation. If you have 3 QBs do you even have 1? Grayson McCall is still in college apparently…
Griffin Weinberg 